Grey-water system for tight arses

my sad grassWith water restrictions being constantly upgraded around Australia, I have been obsessed lately with the concept of using grey-water from around my house (i.e. from my washing machine, kitchen sink etc…) to water and (hopefully) rescue my garden and lawn.

Now this is not because I am some good-doing environmental saint, but for the simple reason that I’m pretty sure that the terms of my lease say more or less that if I break it, then I bought it. With restrictions that prevent me from watering my lawn altogether, I know I could argue my way out of paying the $3,000 for a new lawn, but arguing involves effort, and I am a notorious layabout.

And so it was, with low enthusiasm, and an even lower budget that I wandered down to my local Faceless Corporate Hardware Store Chain to see what was available off the shelf.

“Tell us what you found Smidgey,” I hear you ask (I do, don’t I?). Well let me tell you friend, that the off the shelf stuff just plain outright fucken sucks. Like seriously fucken sucks. Sucks ike life does for an emo kid. Everything I found on the shelf was along the lines of a big fat, 10 meter long, ribbed hose with connectors for your washing machine, for forty bucks. Pretty much a fucking garden hose that you have to walk around with for forty frigging dollars?

19mm barbed to 12mm click on male connectorAs I was saying earlier, I am lazy. Well I am also a tight arse. There is no way in hell I am forking out that kind of money for the pleasure of walking around my garden with the kind of hose that doesn’t even reach out of my house. And so it was that I made my own solution for $8. THAT’S EIGHT DOLLARS YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS!

1. Connect the washing machine to your existing garden hose.
This is accomplished by getting this little beauty to give your washing machine outlet a click on garden fitting

2.Using another click connector adaptor thingy to connect your garden hose at the other end to some of that dirt cheap polytube.

3. Use an end stopper to block the end of the hose up

4. Stab / cut the fuck out of the cheap hose with a steak knife. Seriously, if your washing machine is cool like mine is then you will need probably about 20 knifey holes, or 10 good size slashes per meter.

Optionally, you could use all 18/19 mm stuff the whole way, thus lowering the pressure and meaning you need to knife less holes in the sucker. Or, you could join 2 20m lengths of poly hose connected to washing machinetube together and knife them and water pretty much a whole lawn in one hit.

Oh, and for safety kids, clamp all your frigging joins like I didn’t.

VICTORY IS ASSURED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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